Take Me To Church

  "Behind this crib's rods, I pray you hear my plea. I ask you for forgiveness. I beg you to forgive what my following confessions will pour on your delicate nerves. I am sure that's the right time. That's the right place. Here where I am on my knees before you, my one and only daughter, skinning every sin I have done." He slipped his hand into the crib where her hands were clenching on themselves.

  "I have always been that reckless guy. I worked so hard and took my any-teenager-would-have-had-such-job business seriously. I wanted to gain as much money as my hands can grasp and go spend it anywhere.

  "I bought food and drinks to any girl I see on my way to spend the night. I wanted to expand my options. I wanted to be that guy who would easily pick that one special girl to have as his girlfriend in his twenties without missing any better chances out there.

  "I played with many hearts.  I knew it was wrong, but what made me the devil was that I estimated the damage I was causing before breaking some girl's heart. I think I took pride in doing that. I don't know how I did it that heartlessly. It sounded fun to me until your mom screamed moments ago announcing your arrival. You made me regret everything I had done wrong which now are lining up in front of me. They are a lot!

  "Let me be more honest by sharing details. First time I knew a girl, I liked the way her smile lifted her cheeks. I have just realized I would never prefer a guy who would like you for such absurd reason. Second one, I liked the way her shirt hanged on her and how her pants were glued to her skin. After having you, that master you'll bring home, I would shoot that thought down before it reaches any nerve ending in his filthy body.

"The third one was the universe. Let me break it down for you," he breathed heavily and curled his lips.

  "Oh well," he started. "You will meet a lot of people in your life giving various explanations of the universe existence. Philosophy, religion, physics and many more will drop by a theory, and still summing them up all together will make your head spin. One day you will stop thinking about it all and just walk on the surface of the earth acknowledging that this planet is a tiny part of the universe. You don't mention it, but you know it. You don't feel it, but it clings on your basic knowledge as if it was your first name. The third girl was that.

  "I had stared at her longer than I should stare at any living organism or even an artistic statue. I had never wondered about how her body rose and fell underneath that piece of cloth, cause there was art about her beyond what's common.

  "I felt a mess in my head and my actions were spontaneous whenever I was around her. Those events were intentionally always as if I was subconsciously stalking her.

  "Anyway, she used to push me away. I promised myself I would die trying to be there next to her, but she disappeared. I don't know where she is now. I don't know if she is alive or dead. The only thing I know that such feelings are the true feelings your future man should feel towards you.

  "Killing those feelings - I had for her - was done by submerging them in an ocean of blood oozed out of helpless innocent hearts.

  "I never wanted to start a family, but people said that's how a normal life must go. I wanted to be a parasite feeding on random people's hearts till I find her. But I never found her and I never lost hope to.

"I gave up my merciless-jerk business and like a robot following the orders, I got married to your mother whom up till now I don't know pretty much. She loves cooking, cleaning rooms, hosting parties and being a spy for my mom. I never saw her beyond a housekeeper.

  "I am sorry that I didn't love your mother," he sobbed. "I am sorry that I will never do. I will never say such words in your face when you start to understand human's empty conversations. But for no reason I feel I am obliged to tell you so. Now.

  "I would never like a man who knows that his smile puts hope in your heart that he might be worth the trust while he isn't, like I did. I would never like a man who talks with you for hours just to know as much as he wants about you to design the most brutal way to disappoint you, like I did. I would never like a man who wraps his arms around your waist and tells you to wear as less clothes as your freedom enables you, just to show you around to his pals, like I did. I would never like a man to hurt you daily by making you feel special with a phrase and in a glimpse of an eye walks away without a decent goodbye, like I did.

  "I am sorry that I did all that! If I knew! If I knew I'd have you! Well, I knew nine months ago, but I had never imagined I would feel so!" His tears ran generously down his face.

  "I am washing my sins off to come clean all for you! Because you are an angel! An angel who gave me back that good person I used to be, and I will keep it on display just for you. I will always sport it just for you, so you will be proud of me.

  "I have never ever cared for anyone to take pride in me, but here you are giving me a reason to work, to stay good.

  "My sins sound unforgivable. I know! Confessing them to whom it may concern, cleanses me. You're the priest and this room witnesses my confessions. You are the sweetest reminder that God is everywhere. He hears my sincere regret, and knows my thirst for another chance now.

  "My angel, you took me to church while I am here where every pure beginning launches. Here I pour out to you what condemns me as a human being who wants to be reborn, to start new. So let's grow up together."