Awad

   

   He was running upstairs, his breath was almost lost, and his vision was vibrating. Where was Awad heading to? What would he do? These weren't his worries alone, they were his and his fellows'. Those who were running in their uniforms, wondering "Is this the reason why I run? When I wore it, the family were happy for me. They called me "soldier". The kids were delighted to see me, ran to me and hugged me. Am I running because of this piece of cloth? Does it have another term in the city than my village?!"

   They were all hurrying upstairs, wondering how they hadn't tripped yet, out of their terror, out of the null knowledge about "the next step". Some of them had stupid smile on the face, their brain went "Oh, just like that hero in the movie."
 Some of them thought: "Allah, I'm gonna die! Please, forgive me for the sins, I've done intentionally and unintentionally. Please, protect my family. Please, let the media count me from the martyrs and pay money for my family & protect them."
Some of them thought: "Definitely, we're going upstairs to get to the roof and be protected from the angry crowd."

"Faster, faster, you, idiots! We may die. Go upstairs. Faster!" shouted the commander.
"Allah, save me. Allah, save me," whispered The officer, Awad, to himself.
His educated fellow, while running breathlessly, "Sir, I think we shouldn't--"
"Shouldn't? Do you know more than I do?! Go upstairs, bastard. Go, go, go!" interrupted the commander.

   They hurled up the endless stairs. They didn't know what they were doing. They didn't know how they got there. They didn't know what the benefit of being alive,  what the price of their souls, what even their rights were. They just knew the importance of staying alive, not because they loved life, but they despised dropping off responsibilities, cause they, heartily, knew that they were the actual air by which their family breathe.

   In no time, their long blurry journey ended. They made it to the roof. They looked at each other, avoiding eye-contact with the commander. Some of them looked at the floor. Some of them were concerned with the freezing temperature, rubbing their arms and looking to the sky.  Some of them tried to empty their guns secretly, to find an excuse if the commander asked them to shoot.

"You!" pointed the commander in disgust. "And the we-shouldn't dude next to you, get set. Here, now."
Awad and his fellow, looked at each other. Awad and his fellow were shaking, but each for a different reason. The former was terrified, he feared God, he didn't want to have a sinful end; specially, he knew that if he shot, he would be shot back. The latter was angry, and his tamed shouts couldn't have escaped other than comforting look at the poor Awad.
"You, bitches! You will stare at each other for long? I said move!" roared the commander, if fools could really roar.
Awad and the fellow got set, their guns half out of the borders, pointing at pavements and the street. That was what they could see, over the commander's shouts "Shoot," they couldn't see people. They could see only pavements and the colored ground.
Awad shot with inner scream "Forgive me, God. Forgive me if this is wrong."
But his fellow didn't shoot. The commander shouted in his ears "Hey, lady. Wanna lessons at how to shoot with a gun?!"
The fellow looked at his commander "I can't point out any, sir."
"What?" The commander pressed on his teeth.
"I can't see the target, sir."
The commander slammed his head to the ground, "Come again. I didn't hear you well."
"None in the street, sir."
The commander held the officer, his leg couldn't feel the floor and his upper body was out, hanging in the air by the building's edge.
"And all of those. All these trouble makers, aren't enough for your vision to point and shoot?"
"They are bunch of people talking, sir." The fellow screamed back.
The commander threw him to the floor, nearly swept half the area. He pulled Awad from his back "You, two chickens. Get down there, and chat with the crowd."
Awad ran to the commander fell to his knees "Please, don't fire me."
"You, pathetic animal, I said go downstairs to the other commander. You're not a worker to get fired. You're a slave. Go!"
The young policeman, Tarek, "I'll get them downstairs, sir."
The commander rolled his eyes, and pointed at others to finish the mission.

Tarek petted on Awad's arched back "Don't worry, it's okay. Bosses can be asses sometimes." He stopped till Awad's fellow was next to him on the same step, he put his arm round his shoulders "And you, don't be stubborn with such types of idiots. Be like my older brother, act that you're dying.  I can't promise you that such tricks would work, but sometimes they buy it."
None of them answered. They ran downstairs and before they were out to the street, Tarek whispered "Run to the car, without saying a word, or hitting anybody."
Awad with tearing eyes: "Sir, please, I don't want to kill. I don't want to die either."
Tarek smiled kindly: "That's why we're running to the car and not upstairs."

Behind the building's door, Tarek counted down and they started to run on mark. The moment the door went open, they started to run. It felt like their life went on slow motion. The gunfire gave birth to thousands of screams in a killing silent night. Awad checked his gun that it wasn't his which fired, and the people in the street had an eye on him. They thought he shot. They ran toward him, he tried to escape. His fellow ran to him and tried to scream "He didn't shoot." And he couldn't say anything more than that, he couldn't say the real shooters were upstairs. They kept being hit. Hurtfully. They wanted to scream "Will we live or you gonna stop when we're certainly dead?" Awad felt pain and he didn't know if it was a broken bone or a deformed muscle. He wondered where the kind policeman Tarek was. Why didn't he rescue him?
On the other hand, his fellow's thoughts rolled in regret "Why didn't I obey the command? Cause, I've learnt once that I've to shoot who has the gun, and I can't shoot who apparently peaceful? But, that was the order. I can never be blamed for following my leader's order. Now, I am being beaten for what? For saving those people from the bullets out of my gun? And what's Awad's sin? If this man died, it would be me the only reason."

They opened their eyes and their bodies were paralyzed, unable to make any slight move. Awad moved his eyes to check who's nearby, cause he could hear the blowing sighs. It was Tarek whose eyes were fully filled with tears, and his hands were scratching his folded arms. Awad didn't know how he could move, but, surprisingly, he just stood up, not still, but, at least, he was on his feet which he thought he lost.
"Are you okay, sir?" Awad cried.
Tarek didn't look at him. He didn't answer either. He just looked at the fellow's body. The fellow, who had open eyes, not because he had woke up, but because he was dead.
"Do you want me to get you anything, sir?" asked Awad with caring voice.
"Don't you get it? He's dead, man. Dead." Tarek answered.
"Do you want me to call backup, sir?" Awad's voice became stiff.
"I killed the man! I killed him, idiot!" Tarek screamed, "but I swear I didn't mean it, I fired my gun to the sky and saw a man walking toward me with a hammer. I didn't know what I was doing. I feared him. And I shot at him, but it was this poor officer instead; as he stood defending the man." Tarek collapsed, crying over the fellow's body and kissing his hands whispering "forgive me, please!"

   Awad stared at the scene in disbelief. His brain spun round and round. He punched Tarek. Yes. He did. And, and he couldn't stop. He kept boxing Tarek's crying face till it bled; but this didn't stop him. By time, Tarek had no loud cries, had no sensed breath, his body weighted down heavily. Awad didn't feel that. He just stood up, took his uniform off. He starred at the bodies laying there, next to each other. Each one is killed by a different murderer. They had the same profession. One of them never had the opportunity to think, he never knew what the word 'education' meant, his only taught lesson was: "Never argue, just obey. Never ask why, just do." The other knew education till certain point, but at least he appreciated every word; he knew it wasn't a reason to show that he was better than the illiterate colleagues, but  he knew it was for him to get easier way to straight path leading to heaven. The last took the whole process and he had never given himself the chance to realize why or how, he just lived, cause that was how it supposed to go. What made a difference between the two bodies & Awad, wasn't education only, it was the family they left. One is financially secured, the other is not. One is securely protected and honored, the other is not, and Awad's brain left his family in a mess. They didn't know whether he was alive or dead.

   Only God knows where Awad's brain left him. Oh, there he's. By the river, washing his uniform and wondering "when did it start? Why? How? I killed him. He killed him. He didn't kill them. He shouted. He refused. Who started it? When? Where? How? Dead? Why? For whom?"
The naked Awad by the river asked me to ask you: Did he kill the man in the street? Did the man in the street kill the fellow? Did the man with the hammer killed Tarek? Did the commander......the commander do all of this?